Oh, Blessed Italian Desserts

Yeah, French and candy, but it's late.

Holy cannoli, I've been lazy with posting. Which totally goes against my promise to myself when starting this blog that I would keep it up - walk it, feed it and make sure it always felt loved. And, just like a rather unfortunate string of hamsters I had in the 90s, I turned my back and found new exciting projects to pursue.

Only, not really, because said projects were just work, and it wasn't so much new and shiny adventure as much as a bit of office melodrama and an admittedly minor mental breakdown by yours truly. Ever second guess your entire life over a meeting at a bad Chinese food restaurant? I'm sure everyone has.

No worries, though, I've decided to viciously shove that little slice of niggling worry to the place memory forgot and pretend that it doesn't exist. Hopefully saying this won't find me curled up in a ball a month from now sobbing uncontrollably into an aged carton of ice cream, watching Cake Boss and wishing I could just learn how to make really kick ass cannoli. Because everything is always better if you can bake stuff.

Is What It Is

Do you ever do a thing then try to fix it, only to end up in a worse situation?

For example, recently, I got spaghetti sauce on my white couch. After using an upholstery cleaner, the stain was gone, but the whole room smelled like vomit. I'm not sure the tradeoff was worthwhile. In fact, as the stench still lingers, I'm sure of it.

This is a lesson I wonder if I'm supposed to be learning for life applications.

1. You can't fix everything. 
2. A thing is what it is. 
3. It's not something else.
4. It won't become something else by trying to force it.

Oh No, I'm Feeling Motivate

Step one. Get drunk more.

Always do the thing that scares you.

That's my favorite mantra to whip out whenever I'm especially babyish about doing something. This comes up more than you might think being. See, I like being single usually, it has many many perks. However, on occasion, its more enabler than encourager, especially when it comes to getting out and trying new things.

As I've now entered my 30s, I do think it's well past time to start being a bit stupid in my decision making. It's always been straight A's, college acceptance, dean's list, career...I've been an F-ing responsible grownup since I was 10 (with the occasional moment of insanity). Time to have some fun!

Now, I just need to figure out what that means. I wish I could hire like a life trainer, someone to tell me the kind of stuff I'm supposed to do to be all crazy womanish, like when I got a trainer at the gym. Only this time, I'd like for it not to end with me embarrassed on the floor after losing my footing on the treadmill looking at a bunch of strangers looking at me.

Anyway, I'm going to think about it...which probably isn't really in the spirit, but baby steps.  Any ideas?

Being Dumb and Knowing Better

I'm not entirely sure which part of my brain won some crazy brain ro-sham-bo contest to get dibs overruling rational decision making to just do moronic shit like all the time.

For example, walking up stairs and deciding to take a drink at the same time. (Wet and almost dead.) Or setting my brand new laptop down precariously balanced on my sofa's arm before running to answer the door. (It turned on again.)

And it's not even that I don't recognize the stupidity of these ideas as the come up. More often than not I fully call the disaster that is about to occur...and proceed to do it anyway! What, like this time logic is just going to give me a pass?

Sometimes I wonder if these are self-destructive tendencies buried down in my subconscious. I prefer to think I'm just optimistic.

Excuses, Shmuses

A sheep stuck in a Lake District fence (UK).

Sometimes I feel stuck. I blame my inability to fully accept adulthood on the fact that my face still breaks out like a 15 year old the day before yearbook pictures.

This is how my brain works. I mean, holy moly, does that pile of cerebral membrane work overtime on making excuses. Frankly, it would easier just to do the things I'm avoiding with excuses, but whatevs. The cold, sad truth is, when I was 15 I acted like I was 30, now that I'm 30, I act like I'm 15, and not a very together one at that.

Boy crazy, but useless at dating; love the idea of a party, but fairly socially inept at them; hell, even my kitchen is stalked like a teenager - Cinnamon Toast Crunch, no milk, expired pudding, stale chips, and a wall of mystery takeout boxes that should never be opened.

When I gracefully proceeded out of my 20s (mostly by pretending it wasn't happening), I swore I was finally going to get it together. And I'm going to start on the first day of a month that starts on the first day of the week when I'm not so tired. No, really.

Have you heard? I started a new business...

Really, what kind?

I'm making snack cakes for vampires.

Oh! Wow, how's that going?

We're in the red.

Two Days, Thirteen Movies, One Film Geek

Sometimes I feel like this. Hunker down, eat some snacks.

Some days call for an exceptional amount of laziness combined with some long-overdue movie watchin'. The old Netflix Instant Watch queue was getting overwhelming, so I decided to knock some of those suckers out. Thirteen of them to be exact, which is nuts even for me.

The list:

• Let the Right One In - Norwegian horror...Fryktinngytende*! Gives a fun take to the question, "How far would you go for a first love?" See, Twilighters, it's not all glitter skin and sticky-up hair. Weird. A bit slow. Quite possibly the most disturbing first kiss you could ever imagine for a kid.
• Pheobe in Wonderland - Dakota's little sister Elle Fanning has some serious acting chops, playing an OCD/Tourettes stricken kid who escapes into Alice for the school play. Mostly this movie just twists those heart strings watching Felicity Huffman struggle to mother a child who simply doesn't understand why she does the things she does.
• The Visitor - Not what I thought and truly enjoyable. A widowed college professor 20 years past caring meets two young immigrants, faces an unfair and unfightable deportation, and finds a moment of love.
• Chocolate - Oh, yes! This was a kick ass awesome martial arts extravaganza lead by a tweenage autistic girl who mimics the fighting techniques she sees in movies and video games to take on the some ruthless gangs to help pay her mother's hospital bills. Surprisingly touching as much as fighty. In Thai.
• The Ramen Girl - Brittany Murphy, in Japan, learning the art of Ramen. English and Japanese.
• The Closet - How do you escape a firing for being dull? Let everyone think you're gay. Not complicated, or really believable, but enjoyable. Also, in French.
• Paris 36 - Borders on interesting. In French. I half paid attention, so I missed some of what was going on. Pretty scenery in 1930s Paris.
• Enemy of the State - Not sure why I skipped this in the theater, but it was tons of fun. And, I'm fairly certain, employed every single actor who makes you stop and say, "Oh, hey, isn't that..!" I mean, Jack Black as a tech geek trying to kill Will Smith...what!?
• Cherish - The chick from The Craft plays a part that isn't quite sure which cliche it's supposed to be - the weak girl, the slutty girl, the quirky girl, the butt kick girl, or the wrongly-accused girl. There's a stalker who is important, then nonexistent, then suddenly important again. And a cop who is completely unattractive who I sort of found sexy anyway who is responsible for keeping her in line. Not gonna lie, I kind of loved this makes-no-sense movie anyway.
• The Skeleton Key - No movie based in the bayou of New Orleans should be this boring. Well, not boring, just struggling for purpose I think. The lawyer is my favorite, mainly because he's played by Peter Sarsgaard, who I find equal parts creepy and crushable. Say, "Yes, Ma'am" in that southern accent one more time, Peter, love.
• Sunshine Cleaning - If you feel like your life is a mess, these characters should help you with that. Liked it, but the plot travels a few shaky steps before it sort of gets tired of trying to become inspiring, and end without making much progress in the characters' lives. Julie and Julia was a much better use of Amy Adams' time.
• The Shawshank Redemption - This sounded like such a drag, despite everyone crowing its virtues, and the only reason I watched was because I was going through my Netflix queue in order. What was I thinking?? So good! Tim Robbins! Morgan Freeman! Crawling through excrement! Revenge! Eeeeeee.....
• Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging - The UK does teen movies so much better than the US, hands down. Not quite as sex-crazed hilarious as the brit TV show The Inbetweeners, this look at teen girls, boy stalking and first loves is worth a go.

*"Awesome!" according to Google Translate, and Google knows all, so I'm sure it's right.

Have you heard? I started a new business...

Really? What kind?

Oh, we're looking for investors for designing traffic lights.

Wow, how's that going?

We got the green light!

(Oh, that's awful.)

Transference and Art of People Watching

The Londoners, as seen from a bus in London.

People watching is my favorite. All the things you wish were true for yourself remain possible because you can transfer them on to the crowds milling around the sidewalks. See! There are people confident in their own skins, true love does exists, long lasting friendships endure, adventures are to be had, and, there's always a moment of peace to be found. 

Whenever a vacation is too far beyond the horizon (or budget), I'll take to a coffee shop or the park. Admittedly, it reeks a bit of the pathetic, maybe even the creepy, absconding with pieces of other people's lives for minutes at a time to escape my own, attaching character traits and stories without care for their actual lives. But some days, you have to take life's little gifts instead of waiting around for them to find you.

Stop Doing the Math. It's Making You Nuts!

On the rocks in Hawaii.

I have so many habits I want to grow out of it's almost hard to know where to start. Oh, I know, how about my fun new mathematical tick of calculating the age difference between me and whatever celeb captures my momentary attention. Oh! Ashton Kutcher is 3 years older...wow, I have 7 years on Gaga, Sandra Bullock is 15 years older (also, can I please age like her?!).

Honestly, on a day to day basis, the math practice is probably good for me. Like handwriting, it's surprising how easy basic addition and subtraction skills can get rusty with lack of use. But, I mean, what the hell? It's like when I turned 30, I went a little bit - more - bonkers.

Growing older never really bothered me, and, to an extent, I don't know that it actually bothers me now - in theory. I mean, the overall lack of opportunity afforded to people as they age in our society is  terrifying, especially when you don't know if you've found your way in life yet (and who has, really?).
But, I think the real show stopper for me was the general lack of time. Not my own, but with my parents and grandparents.

I'm super close to my family; growing up in a tight-knit Midwestern clan. I'm also an only child and a good friend with both my mom and dad. For an easy-to-calculate glimpse at how quickly time flies and a realistic look at the number of years left to enjoy your loved ones, 30 is the perfect age. A little grim, sure, but that's life.

So, my goal is to stop caring where I fall chronologically on the pages of US Weekly and over-analyzing time's bitchiness, and start enjoying the gift I have in my family. Forget petty grievances, forgive all shortcomings, never miss an opportunity to just chat, and grab hold of every adventure and experience with the people I love every day. Never take time for granted.